generosity first networking isn't a strategy, it's a filter

i default to giving first in almost every relationship, an intro, a piece of advice, a connection to someone useful, before i ask for anything. people sometimes read that as generosity for its own sake. it's partly that, but it's also a filter, and the filter is the underrated part.

when you give first, you find out fast who reciprocates and who just takes. that's not cynical, it's just information you can't get any other way. the people who show up for you after you've shown up for them are the ones worth building a real relationship with. the ones who disappear the moment the favor stops flowing were never going to be real relationships anyway, you just found that out cheaply instead of expensively.

the compounding version of this takes longer to see. a favor you do with no expectation of return sits in someone's memory for years. when they eventually end up in a position to help you, and people move around more than you'd think, they remember who showed up early. that's not a strategy you can fake for short term gain, it only works if you actually mean it, which is probably why it still works. everyone can smell a transactional favor from a mile away.

who in your network have you been quietly keeping score with, and what would change if you stopped?